In the beginning everything I said exploded. I would say I am holding a glass of ice water & the glass of ice water would explode. I would mumble to myself Where’s my cell phone & hear a small boom in the bedroom. My first word was Daddy. After that I didn’t speak for ten years.
I tried to use my explosions for good. I said shuffling feet & never heard that scrape again. I said crooked politicians but the next day there was a new batch of them giving press conferences after the memorial services. I almost said nuclear warheads & then decided that this might be unwise.
I made lists of words I could not say. Words like oak, mother & pills. Words like journalists, femurs & workers. I would walk around with my buddies after the bars closed & once I forgot & said That Dan Rather is a respectable news source, huh? & everyone froze & my buddy Sutter punched me in the shoulder. It took two weeks until there were new newspapers. I told my fiancé I loved her & just like that the love was gone.
In the spaces where the things used to be, in the craters left after the explosions a new kind of mold grows. It grows orange on some days & yellow on others. It grows quickly & always toward me. I’m not sure what will happen when the mold reaches me but I hope I will be brave. I hope I will not say mold. There is so much I shouldn’t tell you. I know your name is Seashore. But your name is Animal. That’s my name too.
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